I was listening to Jemele Hill’s Podcast (Jemele Hill is Unbothered) with Holly Robinson Peete and had a thought that made me wonder. Peete talked at length about being young in Hollywood and how thankful she was to have lived those years of her life before the advent of social media. She said that she wouldn’t have survived for as long as she did (especially as an NFL wife) if her life had been on full display back then. In other words, her career would not have been as fruitful – nor that of her husband’s, retired NFL quarterback, Rodney Peete.
In her twenties, Peete was the typical youngster and a bit of a loose cannon when it comes to using her voice. In other words, she made a lot of noise about a myriad of things. If social media was around during her 21 Jump Street days, Peete’s children think she would have had as many followers back then as Selena Gomez has now. But Peete seemed more concerned with how she might have been perceived by those millions of followers.
I often think about how I would have represented myself on social media during my younger years as well. I’m fairly confident that I would have been showing my natural behind – literally and figuratively. When we’re young, we don’t think about how our behavior or the words we say may affect others. We tend to live for the moment without much consideration for the future. That theory has proven its validity since I have been interviewing guests for my upcoming podcast (stay tuned – it’s going to be good).
Women don’t really ponder the details of their future when they are in their twenties. In fact, it’s hardly a second thought. Twenty-somethings are more apt to embrace the “carpe diem” perspective on life. They are more likely to seize the day rather than plan for the future. I think it’s a fitting viewpoint to have at that age – to a certain extent. I also believe that as our physical bodies age, our philosophies about life should mature as well.
We can’t go back and “right” the wrongs of our past, but we can learn from the many mistakes that we have made so we can grow as human beings. I’m teaching my 9-year-old daughter about these lessons now. In one of our recent conversations, I explained to her the meaning of the old adage, “hindsight is 20/20.” As she usually does when learning about a new concept, she asked, “What does that mean?”
My answer was this:
“It means that people often reflect on what they would have done differently in a certain situation if they had a chance to do it over again. It means that we can now (presently) see with sharp clarity the mistakes that we made and firmly believe that if we had known then what we know now, we would have made different choices.”
I explained to my daughter that there will be times when she will wish that she had made different decisions after the fact. But those are not the times to wallow in self-pity and be extra hard on yourself. On the contrary, look at them as lessons that life presented to you at the time. Later, understand and embrace that you know better now, and when you know better – you do better. This topic came up during her character education class last week when we talked about the word maturity.
I decided it was time to talk about these things because like many children, when she is faced with the question, “Why did you do that?” My daughter’s retort is the usual, “I’m just a kid!”
And having been “just a kid” before myself, I understand this defense all too well. Growing older has many benefits, but the one that I am most grateful for is the hyper awareness. Some call it wisdom – and folks like my mom who are from the South, call it “bought sense” – because you have to pay for it. What’s the currency? Your dignity, in many cases. But mostly, with one experience at a time. Therefore, as we grow older, we should also grow wiser.
I will never forget the line from an episode of Desperate Housewives when Lynette (Felicity Huffman) was fussing at one of her sons about a stupid mistake he was in the process of making. His answer was, “Mom, I’m young – I’m not an idiot!” She responded, “Yeah, but being young sometimes makes you idiot adjacent!”
Let’s face it, if you have lived past the age of 30, chances are, you have made some stupid decisions when you were younger. I know I have. But I don’t spend time gazing into the wake of the boat, as Dr. Wayne Dyer describes being consumed by the past, as opposed to living in the NOW. The way our minds are set up, it’s nearly impossible to never have flashes of past moments in our lives. But how much time are we spending there? Cars have rearview mirrors so that we can periodically check to see what’s behind us. We can’t properly drive a vehicle, however, if our eyes our focused on that rear view the entire time. We would surely crash and burn! Okay – that is a whole WORD!
I had a reckless youth. And I’m not a betting woman, but if I was, I would wager rather heftily that you had one, too. But It’s okay. Because where you’ve been does not determine where you’re going.
I suppose there are some things our children (and grandchildren) will never know we did during our wild years – unless of course you were crazy enough to write about them – like I did. In which case, they might. But until that day comes, they only get to see the person who seemingly has it all together – not the one who had been in the back seat with a guy who drank himself into a stupor and you had to leave him there and drive yourself home – only to get pulled over by the police – at which time all you could do was cry and ramble off some gibberish that prompts the officer to tell you to “get home safely” and let you go anyway. Okay. That was a freebee.
Suffice it to say, social media wouldn’t have been no place for my shenanigans. And to that, the world breathes a collective sigh of relief.
So, be grateful if you have it together now and only put your best foot forward for the world to see. But if you just happen to “do the fool” and get out of yourself for a moment in time, just remember that these days, that “moment” will likely last a lifetime.
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