From the moment I decided to focus on sharing my gifts with the world, I knew that I had to control my own narrative.
About a year ago, I did something that I had been pondering for the past couple of years. When the pandemic hit, however, I knew that fending off the idea was no longer an option. So, without giving it another thought, I decided to take Nike’s advice and “just do it.”
I started therapy.
A few months after I began my mental health journey, I had a breakthrough relating to a traumatic event that happened to me many years ago. When I woke up that morning, I had no idea that 30 minutes later, while I was on the treadmill, mind you, that I would be experiencing this rebirth. I was listening to one of my favorite podcasts (Therapy for Black Girls), and the episode that I had cued up was titled “Slaying Your Anxiety.” I begin listening as soon as I pressed start on the treadmill, and within the first few minutes of my run, I was in the midst of a full-blown breakdown. I suddenly became aware that my anxiety didn’t start with perimenopause, as I had once believed. I had battled anxiety my entire life. It showed up in many ways, and I had always warded it off or connected it to my being an introvert.
As I gave in to that moment, I pressed pause on the episode of the podcast and the treadmill. I found myself doing the ugly cry, and in the process, freeing myself from years of pent-up emotions.
Afterwards, I did some deep breathing exercises. As I restarted the treadmill, I realized that I had overcome something that would never haunt me again (the traumatic event). I shared this experience with my therapist, and she was glad that I was able to do the work and push through.
See, a few weeks before my breakthrough, my therapist suggested that I read a book called, It Didn’t Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle (2017, Mark Wolynn). I decided to listen to the book on Audible because this is my preferred method of devouring books at the moment. To say that this book was difficult for me to get through is an understatement. I wanted to stop many times, but reluctantly plowed my way through it. I’m glad I did.
So, why am I talking about this now? Naturally, I had some trepidation about sharing something so personal. All of it. But I have lived long enough to know that my decision to be transparent will more than likely help someone else. One of the main reasons for my being forthcoming is to dispel the myths about therapy and to end the stigma behind it – particularly in the Black community. Not only that, but I grew up in the Christian faith. And everyone knows that if you’re a believer, you are expected to heed the sage advice of taking your burdens to the Lord and leaving them there.
I’m not denouncing prayer (as I do it often). I’m simply saying that living the life of your dreams will require you to get real with yourself. Most people walk around for years with unresolved trauma, and many go to their graves with it. There are many things that you can do to ensure that you have a life fulfilled and I did them. I didn’t seek therapy because I was unhappy or because my life lacked purpose (which is also something that people erroneously believe about those who seek therapy). I did it because I want to take care of my body and my mind. And because those who love me deserve the best me that they can get. Honestly, it’s the best part of my self-care routine.
Those who choose therapy are not flawed. In fact, most are completely aware of themselves and their yearning to be in true alignment.
I get it – not everyone will understand another’s desire to seek counsel. But no one should tell others that their trauma is “nothing” and that they should just “get over it.” I don’t care if the trauma lasted for 20 seconds or 20 years. Downplaying someone’s experience due to a lack of understanding of it shouldn’t be an option.
I don’t know what it’s like to be clinically depressed, but I would never tell someone who battles it to just go for a walk, pick some flowers, and all will be well. There are people who suffer in silence for years before they realize they suffer from something that interferes with their relationships and other aspects of their lives. I understood this after reading Michelle Williams’ memoir, Checking In. In it, she explains how her battle with depression cost her several relationships – one of them very public. I admire her courage to be real with herself in hopes of helping others.
Therapy has become something that people in the spotlight have tried to normalize in recent years. From Taraji P. Henson to the Smiths (shout out to one of my favorite shows, Red Table Talk) – Black celebrities have been advocates for mental health and wellness and telling others that seeking therapy is a part of that process. It’s about time that the rest of the world got on board.
I am feeling joyful about my therapy journey because it has had a profound effect on my life – even after only one year.
So, to all of those who are on this journey as well – here’s to a happier, mentally healthier you!
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