My daughter is an only child. And although she is just a little over nine years into this journey, what I have observed of her life still amazes me.
I do not claim to be an expert on this topic but raising an only child has given me a front row seat to how their lives generally play out.
First, just about everything that you have heard about only children is true.
They are intelligent, independent overachievers, who typically love the spotlight.
They believe that they should be privy to every adult conversation there is – despite constantly being told to “stay out of grown folks’ business.”
They are selfish – as all human beings are upon entering this world. It takes only children a bit longer to overcome this part of development because they have no siblings to help reiterate this point. Through an abundance of teachable moments, however, they eventually get it.
They often have an abundance of material things and are more privileged than children with siblings. This happens mostly by default. My guess is that it’s financially easier to accommodate one child with spontaneous gifts than it is to accommodate three.
They learn early on that they are the center of their parents’ affection. They receive it and in turn, they also love hard. Fiercely.
Their imaginations are vast. It’s no surprise that many of them become leaders and accomplish extraordinary things.
They seem to mature faster – again, this is probably by default. At times, the lines of the parent/ child relationship are blurred.
In my daughter’s case, she understands that her father and I are the authority figures in the house. That part is clear. But there are times when she believes that she is our equal. For instance, when we were in a subway tunnel in New York a couple years ago, she was the one who kept us from getting on the wrong train. She was only 7 years old at the time, and as you can guess, it was not our proudest moment as parents. Our child, who was just as green to the subway system as we were, obviously understood the signs a little better than we did. She didn’t hesitate in embracing that “glory moment” – when she had to keep us all from riding in the opposite direction of the Statue of Liberty.
Only children are more likely to see the effort and energy it takes to keep a home running smoothly. When asked to pitch in and help with certain chores, they may still grumble like most of their peers. My daughter is no exception. But there are days when she will stop me in my tracks just to hug me and tell me what an amazing mother I am and how she appreciates all that I do. I relish in those moments.
Only children become quite adept at creating their own fun and entertaining themselves. When I was growing up, I would imagine what life would be like if I was an only child. Because of my daughter, I get to see what it’s like now – up close and personal. It has its advantages for sure. But there are some downsides to this existence as well. It can be lonely at times. And in those times, I must remember that this is her life’s journey and not mine. She appreciates her solitude, but she also longs for the life she had before the pandemic. I’m sure that parents of only children everywhere can attest to this. Sure, they have Facetime and Roblox, but it just isn’t the same.
Cheers to those who have mastered their oneness in ways that many of us cannot understand. Their journeys are not created equal. The dynamics of every household are different and external environments are a factor, also. There are some who do not understand the plight of people who have had to go it alone.
I get it. There are no older siblings there to show you the ropes and help you stay out of trouble. No one to blame for the inevitable broken glass on the kitchen floor. No one to play dress up with and no one to match wits with.
You are an Army of one.
A solo flight.
The lone ranger.
To the only children – I see you!
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