“If you really want to do something, you’ll find a way. If you don’t, you’ll find an excuse.”
– Jim Rohn
There is nothing quite like the start of a fall semester on a college or university campus. There is a slight nip in the morning air, and everyone can be seen hurrying to their respective classes as the hope of a new beginning rests at the forefront of all those zealous minds.
College is an interesting time for students. And professors bear the burden of making that time either more or less fascinating for them. Each semester (or term or quarter) professors are faced with the challenge of getting to know a whole new set of pupils. As we (the polished pedagogues) look out into that sea of jolly expressions, we have one hope in the back of our minds: That every one of those students with enthusiastic looks on their faces do well in the class. In a perfect world, this ideal is attainable. But in the real world, we must embrace the fact that some of the students attached to those wide eyes will not do well in the course.
I believe that I speak for every college or university professor on Earth when I say that one of the biggest drawbacks of the job is the number of excuses that we are inundated with year after year. See, most professors were good students, and we go into this profession believing that most of our students have a hunger for knowledge – just like we did when we were those eager undergrads many moons ago. That assumption is quickly put to rest after the first few weeks of a semester. Students are settling into a new routine, while discovering the rigor of college-level work.
Students generally begin each class with joyous expectations. If you are any good at connecting with them, you can almost feel the excitement bubbling over from their souls. You think to yourself, Ahh – this is why I do what I do.
Then something completely out of left field takes place that they never saw coming. They are given their first assignment.
And then:
And although you have gone over the syllabus in acute detail on the first day of class, they somehow believe that everything on it is clearly there for kicks and giggles. Because there is no way that you actually expect them to complete all of those assignments and meet those deadlines. Surely, their showing up for class is enough. And their winning smiles will suffice for their lack of accountability. Right?
Some students seem completely blind-sided by the expectation of having to complete assignments. I once had a student in my class (years ago) who had never missed a day – but did not submit a single assignment. So, I did what any caring instructor would do in my shoes. I pulled him aside after class one day and ever so gently said, “You know, you haven’t submitted any assignments yet. Do you need help with anything? Is everything okay?” He looked me dead in my eyes and said, “But I show up for class every day.”
Me:
Y’all, he thought that his privilege would magically earn him some points.
He also happened to be an athlete, so no doubt he was accustomed to instructors being complicit in his tomfoolery. But he had me all the way messed up. I simply told him, “Sir, you cannot earn any points if you don’t submit any assignments. It doesn’t matter if you show up for class and participate.” I actually did the air quotes for that last word (okay, in my head I did). He literally thought that he could pass a class just by showing up. Where they do that at? Apparently, at whatever high school he had come from – on Mars!
I will be the first to admit that being a student has its challenges – especially when you have a full load of courses, a job, and other responsibilities on top of that. To be fair, I think everyone has had a few missteps as first-year college students. But to actually believe that showing up is enough to pass a class is just plain ridiculous!
As the semester progresses, the excuses just keep rolling in. One. After. The. Other.
I was sick and couldn’t get to the computer.
I had to work 38 hours last weekend and couldn’t do my paper.
My aunt passed away.
I was out of town.
I had my entire paper typed up, and then my toddler deleted it.
And so on. And so on. And so on.
I thought that I was an expert on student excuses after being in the classroom for the first three or so years of my teaching career. However, nothing could have prepared me for the barrage of excuses that online students were armed with. I am convinced that online students believe that they can make up absolutely anything because, well – how can anyone prove otherwise? Like this one student who worked in a clinic and sent me a copy of her X-rays showing me that she had broken her wrist. You guessed it – she couldn’t possibly type anything as a result. And it just so happens that the final paper was due.
I once had an online student in a literature class tell me that she couldn’t complete the assignment because her dog ate her book. Yup – ATE her book! Not tore a page out – not nibbled on the section that she had to read. But that he ATE it! Every time I say that word, I think about that episode of Everybody Loves Raymond when Raymond’s (Ray Romano) brother Robert (Brad Garrett) dated that lady who ate a fly. When he tries to explain this to Raymond (because really – how can you even begin to explain this to anybody), he drags out the word ate! He goes, “She picked it up, she looked at it, and then she AAAAAATTTTTTEEEEE it!” One of the funniest scenes ever! Turns out, this lady believed that she was part amphibian and worshipped all things amphibian-like. It’s a hoot.
I digress.
A while back, I read an article written by a professor who thought that all grandparents should be warned when the end of the semester approaches. Apparently, their lives are hanging in the balance, and once a final exam or final paper is due, the weight of the assignment seems to push them right into their graves. The number of deceased grandparents seem to increase exponentially toward the end of a semester!
I suppose we’ll never know the answer to that one.
Alas, the proverbial thorn in my side is the student who believes that he/she/they can turn it all around with just one week left in the semester.
Listen, there is only one Michael Jordan – and once upon a time, he could turn it all around in the eleventh hour. But a student who has fifty-eleven outstanding assignments with three days left on the clock – certainly cannot.
So, here’s to all the professors who can relate to my sentiments here. Have a great semester!
And to all the students who still believe that they will invent a brand-new excuse that no professor has ever heard before – Good luck with that!
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