Perimenopause: Brain Fog, Hot Flushes and Other Hellish Helpings of Discomfort

I read an article a few weeks ago and was not surprised to learn that a 48-year-old woman was talking about perimenopause and the systems that come along with it. But I was surprised to learn that the woman was Gabrielle Union. I was taken aback. Not at all because she had been experiencing these symptoms, but because someone who has lived her life in the public eye was finally being forthcoming about a touchy subject. That is rare.

Union had a lot to say, but these words right here, hit especially close to home:

“I thought I was losing my mind,” she explained. “I thought I had early onset dementia, Alzheimer’s. I gained 20 pounds overnight of water retention, inflammation, bizarre. I couldn’t think. Now, when I have to public speak in the last few months, I’m so anxious, because I’m like, ‘Am I going to remember words?'” Read the story here.

She read the last two years of my life out loud in those few sentences. Perimenopause, for those who don’t know, is the time in a woman’s life when she is approaching menopause. The cycles start to get spotty, then comes mood swings and a plethora of other disrespectful, rowdy friends who show up to the party – UNINVITED!

A woman does not actually hit menopause until she has missed a menstrual cycle for 12 consecutive months. But before this happens, perimenopause rears its ugly head to let us know that “The Change” is imminent. Who gave it the name “The Change” anyway? I digress. When does this happen? Apparently, it’s different for everyone. Some women begin experiencing symptoms in their 30s, while it may not happen for others until their 40s or 50s. And it can last years. That’s right. Years.

All women experience this pre-curser to menopause, and many have the side effects associated with it, but so few of us actually talk about it. The fact that Gabrielle Union could attest to having brain fog and anxiety equates (in my eyes) to Beyonce admitting that she has stage fright. Not that it would be impossible – but it would remind the rest of us about the reality that she, too, is only human.

Because I am a living, breathing, cisgender woman in my late 40s, perimenopause had my name on its list. Not only did it come for me – it brought its ‘A’ game, y’all. First, it was the hot flushes (also referred to as hot flashes – but I now call them power surges, thanks to a witty comedian). So I will use the terms interchangeably. The best way to describe this feeling is: someone taking a syringe and filling it with boiling hot oil before releasing it into your veins. Did I mention that they come on unexpectedly? That’s right. Anywhere. Anytime. It doesn’t matter. Whether you are dressed to the nines in your best formal attire or taking a simple stroll through the grocery store, you could fall victim to the inferno. Your own private summer. The hell FIYAH.

Whenever I feel a hot flash coming on, I can picture the evil little man who controls them. Wait. To call him a man is far too generous. He’s more like a malicious gnome who takes pleasure in seeing you melt like a candle when you least expect it. Here is one example of how it goes down.

You get settled in bed with the covers to your neck because this is how you have slept your entire life. Once you are there all nice and snug, you hear a little voice say, “Comfy?” Then your face starts to feel like you stuck your head in a 450-degree oven and then the rest of your body gets the memo – all within 3.7 seconds. Then it happens. You begin to plead:

Then with his finger on the switch, the evil gnome quickly flips it to the “on” position as he laughs hysterically. Apparently, there is definitely a switch because it happens so quickly. The “off” position represents your comfortability and the “on” position represents hell fire and brimstone. At this point, there’s no time to argue with the little gnome. So, you brace yourself:

You kick the covers off as sweat starts to gush from your pores.  You start fanning yourself with your hand trying to get the least bit of relief.

Actually, this is what happens when you’re new to this. Once you have been acquainted with the little gnome and his nonsensical games for some time, you either sleep with the ceiling fan on (or any type of fan that blows directly on you), leave the window open, or have a portable fan on the nightstand. This way, when the inferno does engulf you, the cool air acts as an immediate defense, thus rendering the little gnome’s plan useless.

There are things that I do to minimize the flushes during the day and at night. Natural supplements help, along with drinking plenty of water. The flushes are not completely gone, but I can live with having 5-7 hot flashes within a 24-hour period, as opposed to 150.

Here’s the good news – hot flushes are fleeting. They come and go relatively fast. Which can only mean that God does indeed exist and that He does not enjoy seeing us suffer.

Next on the list of the perimenopause petty train is brain fog. Yeah – that fool-butt, disloyal, trick-made punk (In my Denzel voice from Training Day). If you’re anything like me, or for that matter – any human who relies on verbal communication, brain fog is the absolute worst! I know what you’re thinking. As we age, most of us experience the run of the mill brain farts that have us looking for our phones while we’re talking on them. Or looking for our glasses while we’re wearing them. Or walking into a room and forgetting why we went into said room in the first place. Oh no. Brain fog is much more sinister. It will have you forgetting simple words mid-sentence! Will have you trying your best to remember the name of the building that houses mail and packages. Or the name of the clown that is the face of McDonald’s. Or the name of your favorite movie. Simple. Little. Things. Why? Because brain fog is the devil! Per-i-od!!!!!!

The first time this hater showed up in my life was about two years ago. I was teaching a literature class to a group of brilliant students for a non-profit that I work for. The theme that I chose for the class that year was duality and double consciousness. We discussed a variety of different perspectives on duality including race, gender, disability, mental illness, and sexuality. Yeah – that class was the bomb.

One night, I proceeded to write double consciousness on the board – just as I had done since the beginning of the course. Well, this time, brain fog decided to make my acquaintance. I picked up the dry erase marker and wrote the word ‘double’ with no problem. I then tried to write the word ‘consciousness’: C-O-N . . . C-O-N. . . I literally could not remember what letter came next! This was me inside.

It wasn’t the normal spasm that instructors get from time-to-time. Like when we write the word ‘and’ on the board and step back to make sure it’s spelled correctly. No. This was different. I was M-O-R-T-I-F-I-E-D!!!! Realizing that I had to think of something – and fast, I tell my students, “Ok, y’all – obviously this has been a super long day. I’m bugging.” I had to actually look at the word printed at the top of my syllabus in order to finish writing it on the board. Talk about embarrassing!!

Thankfully, we were already six weeks into this class, so my students knew that I wasn’t a complete idiot. We laughed it off and kept it moving. But I left class that night wondering why my brain had betrayed me. Like Union, I thought of all the horrible possibilities.

There are so many other symptoms that women experience during this time in life. After talking to a couple of friends who both had a hysterectomy a couple of years ago, I was surprised to find out that neither one of them were told that their bodies would automatically be thrust into menopause. This is information that doctors should not keep to themselves. Perhaps if women understood what their bodies were up against, they could prepare a little better and not think they are going crazy when they begin to have night sweats, forget words, or experience hot flashes for the first time.

One of my friends literally thought that she was dying when she had her first hot flash. She was at work at the time and for real-for real thought that she would have to be taken away in an ambulance. Gheesh!

Going through perimenopause is not for the faint of heart. There are other more serious symptoms like anxiety and depression. Although I haven’t experienced the latter, anxiety has definitely been my portion in this season. I think we’ve all experienced anxiety to some extent in our lives – like right before speaking in public or trying something new like jumping out of an airplane (more power to you if you are this brazen). But once I started experiencing those same feelings just because I had papers to grade, I knew something was awry.

Gabrielle Union mentioned that she had a moment when she dealt with suicidal ideation. That’s pretty heavy. But thankfully, she was able to identify it right away and inform her family about it.

If you are going through the Big P, please know that you are not crazy. Know that you are not alone. And please know that you are getting better and becoming more of who you are. You WILL get through this. Because even this has purpose. Although it might seem like the evil gnome and all of his cohorts are out to get you at first, perimenopause is there to remind us that we are fortunate to actually be growing older. Many women didn’t live to see these years.  So, I face each day with gratitude – and with my trusty neck fan.