What I Want Women Over 40 to Stop Doing Immediately

As a Gen Xer, there are certain things that I have always prided myself on. Little things like from knowing which fork to use at dinner – to knowing NOT to wear white shoes after Labor Day, which technically isn’t even a thing anymore – but I digress. Wisdom comes with age – for most of us anyway. There’s something to be said about surviving this life year-after-year. Growing older teaches us countless lessons, and if you have a mother like mine (born and raised in the South), then you have probably also received some priceless gems. Since I was little, I have been hearing these statutes – golden rules if you will – that every young girl should abide by.

• Close your legs when you’re sitting down, whether you’re wearing a skirt or not.
• Wash your face and brush your teeth first thing in the morning — before you eat breakfast — not after.
• Always go to bed with a clean house.
• Make your bed up as soon as you get out of it in the morning.

These are just a few of mama’s pearls that I have taken to heart. That said, I understand that not every woman grew up with a mama from Mississippi. So many women have had to learn some lessons the hard way. I think all of us get a pass for some of the ratchet behavior that was a part of our teens, twenties, and even thirties. During those years, some of us made mistakes that would follow us for years (maybe for life). The silver lining there is that we learned from them. And the even better news is – we never stop learning.  There are some outlandish things that younger women can do, get massive heat for, and then live down in a relatively short period of time. Why? Because they are young!  However, once we cross over into fortyland, there are some philosophies and behaviors that we should leave behind. For good. Like the Apostle Paul said, forget that mess you did in the past and feast your eyes on what’s in front of you.  I’m paraphrasing, y’all. I know you Bible scholars are about to let me have it. You get the gist – that’s the important thing. Now here it is.

• 1) Stop using filters on ALL of your pictures before you post them on social media. I won’t go into the psychology of why some women feel the need to hide behind those filters. But let’s face it – everybody knows that you don’t look like that. Even though your friends will compliment you and tell you how cute you look with those filters drowning out your authentic features – YOU know the truth, girl! That ain’t you! Well, it’s almost you.

Here’s an idea – just be yourself. If you got crow’s feet – put those puppies on display! If you got wrinkles – let them show in all their glory!  If you got blemishes (here, here), wear them proudly! Even if you got those parentheses on the sides of your nose and mouth that make you look like the cowardly lion from the Wizard of Oz – embrace them! Let’s face it, we all want to try to find that “good light” when we take selfies. There’s nothing wrong with trying to get to your good side in a photo, but when you go out of your way to use filters to make you look flawless, that is another matter. There are 101 things to be ashamed of – and aging ain’t one of them.

2) Stop jumping into relationships with men just because you want a social media “Boo.” Get to know someone before you put him on full display on all of your social media platforms. Why? Because when it doesn’t work out, then the rest of us will have to live through the process of you removing his pictures and the proverbial “I thought I had met my knight in shining armor and he turned out to be a jerk in tin foil” post. Sis, you may have found out that he’s never had a job and has a foot fetish (no shade if that’s your thing) had you waited more than two weeks to show him off! As a 40+ woman, you have intuition and other instincts that should be put to good use. I implore you – use them! So even when you see your friends and family members all snuggled up with their significant others and their husbands (y’all are too much with ya made-up words) all up and down your timeline and you want to get in on the cute couple pics, just take my advice. Wait. It. Out. It will be worth it.

3) Stop taking those Facebook quizzes – you know – the ones that tell you what you will be doing this year and how many children you will have and how tall your mate will be? Or the ones that tell you what your best attributes are? Yeah, those – stop it.

4) Stop being messy on social media. You know – throwing shade at someone who made you mad and then you get on Facebook or Instagram to vent about it? Yeah – that ain’t cute. Handle your business the old-fashioned way and talk to that person or tell it to God or your journal. The people on your feed are not always in the mood for your drama.

5) Stop skipping the shower in the morning just because you showered or bathed the night before. Let me remind you that once you are over 40, you are a fully grown woman. Twice over. And your body does grown-woman things. I can guarantee that if you bathed or showered last night and you skipped the shower this morning, your lady parts will be singing by noon. You know who can get away with skipping showers or at the very least quick bird baths in the morning? Babies and toddlers – that’s who. Real talk, you can probably get away with this until you hit puberty – after that, all bets are off. Wash your tail in the morning!

6) Stop disliking people because they make you feel inadequate or insecure. You couldn’t possibly dislike someone you JUST met or glanced at from across the room! I know that some of us are empaths and we can read people before they say one word. I’ll talk about this another day. But today, you know where I’m going with this. You don’t like the way she looks because YOU think that SHE thinks she’s cute. Don’t be a hater. She probably is cute. And smart. And educated. And a down-right boss. Instead of sucking your teeth and giving her side eye, pay the woman a compliment. After all, she probably deserves one! Like Sophia from the Golden Girls said: “Jealously is an ugly thing, Dorothy.” (SN: The Golden Girls is still one of my favorite shows and I quote from it often). That twinge of hate you feel toward that woman ain’t about her – it’s about you. You can let another woman shine and still be a glowing star yourself.

7) Stop trying to compete with younger women (on any level) in their 20s and 30s. You are grown-grown. You’ve been a twenty-something before, and even if someone paid you a lot of money to do it, my bet is, you would never want to go back to being that age – EVER! As a seasoned 40+ woman, who is actually closer to 50, I assure you – there is nothing I want to revisit in those years. I am a much better human being than I was then and so are you. Trust. And NO – 40 is NOT the new 20 – 40 is 40! And it is fabulous!!!